I am 8th Grade Cool

Last night i went to see the 2 live crew ( i am 8th grade cool) with an acrobatic stripper as their backup dancer  ( i am 22 year old cool) at a dyke bar past Petaluma ( i am 30 year old cool) that had a calvary of autographed bras hanging from it's rafters ( i am cool until i am motherfucking 65) 

Layla and i got there first ( considering that the 2 live crew are clearly international superstars, it was OBVIOUSLY going to sell out). I picked her up on Lombard at 7 pm and we drove up to a soundtrack of ... me so horny, George Michael, and ZZ top. After buying eight tickets ( Layla got her own, but i was taking this one for the team) we visited the local pizzeria ,which sponsors some kid doing something, and therefore has a collection of trophies on the counter close to the big clown plywood cutout. This was right in front of the field with the railroad tracks. 

That's where the bulk of the gang joined us, and after ordering a large pizza, and scarfing it down, along with our hatchback made mixed drinks ( thank you local gas station !!! ) and smoking some cigarettes, we headed in. 

" we arrived at the bar, knocked on the door, not having no idea what the night had in store" 

I was the first person the stripper pulled onstage. ( i am 19 years old cool) When the band saw me singing along word for word to me so horny, they pulled me onstage again and gave me a mic. I don't remember at all hearing myself but jon assures me that i sounded good... i can promise you i know the words to that like i know the words to ice ice baby... i know them upside down drunk... trust me. 

Elke also got mad stage love. 


Roland and Blakeley were getting us all tequila drinks all night. Jon very kindly held the camisole i bought, and i still haven't quite figured out what the hell the band gave me but it's white, terrycloth, and was tucked in to my belt for most of the show. I also bought a CD. They signed my ass ( on my jeans... i wash them a lot less than i wash my ass, which is a good thing) 

we hung out with them a bunch afterwards. 

I don't remember any of their names... i usually don't remember names anyhow. 
One of them LOVED Elke ( shocking, really, who would have ever imagined ?!) 

Layla was caught making out with some random guy in the back but i had to hijack her for my keys. 


Blakeley and Roland were doing tequila shots at the bar


The owner was quite kind to me, possibly having made an impression marching in, asking if they were the people who had gutter night, and announcing the why yes, i DID know that they had the 2 live crew tonight and i had organized a field trip from SF and needed to buy eight tickets right away. She let me try on all kinds of t-shirts ( i sold an extra one for her to the girl i shared the bathroom with ... hell of a way to make a friend " tell you what, you pee, i'm going to take off my shirt") 

the owner is hot. She has long blond hair and wears secretary glasses. 
I like her lots - she knows 2live crew

So, back to outside where Elke had the short, round guy who gave me the mic all wrapped around her finger, and he finds out i make clothes. Gets my card, and says he's ( yeah, right, like you're momma'd be so mad if she knew you'd just been had ) going to call me today for clothes. 


whaddaya think he gets for ten dolla?